I'm not bothered, I'm saying it regardless...

Eurovision 2010

Top 5 (three ballads, a Muse-alike band and just ONE uptempo number)

1: Georgia

2: Azerbaijan

3: Malta

4: Romania

5: Turkey

And if the UK even place, I'll eat some crisps. Not nice ones; the horrible, gum-cutting crisps and a flavour I can't stand.

I won't eat a hat. Who knows what it'll do to my insides.

I was gonna put Iceland in there but to be honest, the woman singing it has no charisma or stage presence.

But seriously, the UK is doomed. It gives drivel a good name.

BYE NOW! I'm going to sleep some more.

All about losing faith...

Sometimes you get a chance to gaze in wonder at the beauty of all things in life. Just how beautiful some things are and how... no, I'm sorry I can't keep this up. I've started losing total faith in humanity.

Tonight, at exactly 21:21 on BBC1, the nation stepped back in utter horror as the United Kingdom's entry for Eurovision was premiered by a pig-nosed, overdressed, teen-faced amateur and JESUS CHRIST, WE WEPT. We WEPT as we all heard just exactly what a moron Pete Waterman is. Now, I always had fair reservations of Waterman's credentials as the writer and producer of this year's entry. I can't even remember the last time he had a sizable hit. Shockingly, the BBC thought it was a good idea. Let's go from a high (coming 5th after years in the bottom-5 doldrums) to quite possibly being laughed out of the competition. Pete Waterman says he knows what the Europeans want. I think once they hear it, he'll realise that what the Europeans want is for the UK NEVER TO ENTER THE COMPETITION EVER AGAIN.

Now initially, the performances were all Stock/Aitken/Waterman songs. And afterwards, my thought was "we cannot send one of these amateurish singers. It would be an absolute mockery of the whole thing..."

And then we heard the entry song.

And suddenly all thoughts turned to "WE CANNOT LET THEM GO WITH THIS SONG!" - And God help us, we had to listen to it three times before deciding which one of the awful performers had to face the unfair task of singing that... song... live to the whole of Europe. NO. How unfair.

It makes me think that Pete Waterman must be some kind of masochist. Or he's just an awful, stuck-in-the-80s songwriter who shouldn't be allowed to go near a music studio again. I would say he's putting his reputation on the line with this debacle but to be perfectly honest, what reputation has he got these days? The man does not know music anymore. His songs have sounded the same for 20 years and yeah, we've got some 80s music styles back in the charts but even by 80s song standards, Waterman's song sound dated and... well, shocking.

21:46 and the BBC show a video reel of "tips" for a Eurovision winner. WHY DID THEY NOT GIVE THIS TO PETE WATERMAN!? OR WHY DID WE NOT LET A PROPER SONGWRITER DO IT?!

Tell you what, next year, I'm going to enter myself into the thing or at least write the song AND IT WILL BE AMAZING.

Promise.

21:57 and poor little Josh (surname not included) has to represent our country. May he not be pelted in the streets because it's not his fault... but if you see Pete Waterman, give him the biggest possible slap you can.

That would only be fair on us all.

Do you bit. Slap Pete Waterman.

Yikes! Blogging is hard sometimes...

OH MY WORD. It's about time I started blogging. I have far too much to say and there's only so much I can write on Twitter before I get cut o...

Yeah, 140 characters is OK for random texting but sometimes a good platform is all you need and it's about time I started using it again!

Now then, I won't lie about being a bit of a fan of reality shows (certain ones that is) but to be perfectly honest, I'm very much a non-favouritist. I never have a favourite because I've always seen these shows as "the best man wins" (with apologies to the females, it's a saying, no offence intended).

And yet once again, the curse of the high-flyer comes to the fore. This week, Dancing On Ice's Hayley Tamaddon has come under fire for being "the favourite". How dare she be amazing. How dare she know what she is doing. How dare she be quite a lot better than anyone else. How dare she. The sheer nerve of her practising hard and putting a lot of effort into what is clearly natural to her in the same way that it was to Ray Quinn last year!

Seriously, if that makes any sense to you then you're clearly on the level of all those irritating people who dislike someone because they are good at something and you should be culled immediately. Last time I checked, envy was a sin. To be absolutely forthright, tonight, Hayley was absolutely mindblowing. Every single fibre of my being was captivated, the hairs stood on the back of my neck and for the first time in nearly six years, I voted for someone on a reality TV show.

That's how good she was. And yet suddenly she's being pounced on. "Oh the judges might have given her a six, but that doesn't mean she's any good."

DID YOU JUST HEAR YOURSELF? Did you not see what everyone else saw? The frustration might not pour from my words here but sometimes I literally want to shake people for their utterly moronic and jealousy-stained comments. Shocking. That's the kind of comment that makes me lose faith in a lot of things, particularly people's sanity. She was quite obviously the best tonight when she performed her routine to Jai Ho from Slumdog Millionaire.

Fancy jumping on me? No you don't. Because at no point during this post did I mention that I liked her. I have not been favouritist. I have merely been objective. I thought Kieron was excellent this week. I also thought Gary's footwork was excellent and he performed very competently. Mikey's done remarkably well in the short time he's had given everything he's had to fit in this week. Daniella's performance, while not as good as she's done in the previous weeks, was again charming and fluid and Danny's Rocky routine was also very good.

I'm not turning on any of the celebrities because to be honest, I don't want to or need to. They're learning skills that I would love to and they're doing something that we're not doing and there's no need to be degrading or jealous of these celebrities just because they have the opportunities to do these things.

I'm not saying "don't have your favourites" because you're all entitled to it. But under no circumstances would I or should I accept you to shit all over another person's performance for whatever reason. They're out there doing it and putting their hearts into it and if you feel the disturbing need to tell them that "because they're not my favourite, I'm going to spit all over them" - then you should be spat on yourself.

I don't remember them do anything to hurt you...

So Disgaea came up to me and said "LAME TITLE, MATE!" and I agreed...

Currently playing Disgaea on the DS.

One question:

WHY DID THEY MAKE IT SO GODDAMN ADDICTIVE?!

DAMN YOU! DAAAAAAAAAMN YOOOOOOOOOOU!

etc etc...

GOODBYE!

*waves*

So this Lindsay Lohan stuff is like... y'know?

Sorry for the title, and yes it annoyed ME to write it but see here's the thing...

Let's leave the girl alone for a while, OK? Granted, she's in the public eye, granted she's a celebrity and it's their "job" to be photographed and hounded and treated like everyone's property...

I hope you all understand I'm being facetious there.

However, being a random person with an opinion that obviously others can comment on and say "YOU SUCK!" or "YOU'RE RIGHT!" or more visceral and damning hyperbolic versions of those phrases, I just wanted to chime in my two cents (two pence in the UK).

I have a love-hate relationship with tabloid newspapers. The thing that I love about them is that they're reading material. That's it though. You can read them.

Otherwise I hate the fact they made up stuff based on quotes from friends of friends who HAVE NO BEARING ON WHAT IS ACTUALLY GOING ON*

(*disclaimer: this may or may not be true)

So the fact that we've heard that Sam and Lindsay have been spotted at a club is fine. Once or twice. The fact that they've been spotted for the thirteenth time at a club is dull. It's pointless. Do we care? Don't we already have the impression that Lindsay goes clubbing? That she's a party girl? Isn't that the image she's been plastered with for so long?

And this break-up. This melodramatic, played-out-in-the-papers-to-death break-up that involves shouting, screaming, Nicole Richie saying: "ugh", friends jumping ship, restraining orders... how much of this is true and why do we need to know? I swear sometimes these poor people get treated like meat and are thrown to the lions. You know what happens when lions get meat? They eat it, digest it and either throw it back up again or it comes out the other end.

Sounds like journalism to me.

I should know. I studied it for three years.

I don't think her appearance on Ellen DeGenererenenenerenerenes's show recently will make anyone think differently about her. People already have their opinions on her. She's a celebrity, of course they do. It's like every celebrity; people love them, people hate them, people have wildly conflicting opinions on them. That sounds a lot like normal life to me, only with more hyperbole and extremities thrown in.

Feel free to think of her as you like. That's what opinions are for. I'm not trying to foist my opinion of her on you and to be perfectly honest, neither should the tabloids.

Cos it's like... y'know... so trashy and stuff.

That was painful to write.

The title page?

Not that you're asking me but the title image is a picture of two "popstars" presenting at an awards ceremony. It's fairly old but I still get a kick out of the animations I did for said awards show. I may shove them on YouTube at some point, if I can get the damn movie maker to work - which will be never.

Just in case you wondering, the girl is meant to be the amusing drunk, the guy is supposed to be the sensible norm. IT'S AMUSING.

GOODBYE!

*waves*

Now with added AHA!

Another new advert that made me giggle/think... It's a well-known soap brand that advertises its product by saying it now contain AHAs... and has a bottle of the product with bubbles orbiting it with AHA in them.

So this product now contain AHA! So it either contains an "I just got an idea" expression or the 80s Swedish pop-group. Apparently Swedish pop is good for the skin! It's a good thing I like Ace of Base then...

Oh shut up, they're not that bad.

GOODBYE!

*waves*